The Girl Who Cried Love

I've never been one to do the right thing...especially by V. Everyone knows that. Well, everyone that knows us knows that.

For the first time today--I did. I, consciously, chose to sacrifice my happiness for his. Yes, yes it should be noted that for many years he sacrificed his for mine--but I'll always argue that that was his choice and one must examine just to what degree that was a sacrifice, perhaps inconvenience is a better word. I, finally, did right by him.

V just called me at work--as he does while he drives to class, sometimes--to inform me that he had taken my advice to heart. He is going to make more of an effort with his girlfriend. In fact, he even sent flowers to her office in an effort to surprise her. This from the man who spent Valentine's Day playing basketball with his league and will be missing her b'day week(end) for a bachelor party in Vegas.

He explained to me that he wants to change. To improve the man that he is. Now, readers, I--the equal opportunity whiner--exclaim at the possibility of there being a BETTER V. As the tears pricked my eyes, I blinked them back--it's never professional to cry at work, particularly regarding a personal matter--it's one thing to cry in an effort to leverage someone's weakness, but wholly another if it doesn't apply to the task at hand. I choked back the lump in my throat and I congratulated him. This is what I wished for him: happiness. If she's the way for him to get that...I'm certainly NOT going to stand in his way. Lord knows, I wanted more than anything to shout it out: NOT HER--ME--PICK ME! MY ADVICE PERTAINED TO ME--it could not have had LESS to do with her. Yet good-natured as he is, that's how he saw it.

But the time for that has come and gone. It had died cruel and unusual deaths and been reincarnated twice...I can't tell him the truth. I can't have him look at me with those tired eyes or hear the weariness in his response. I'm the girl that cried love...and now that I finally see the truth for what it is--it's too late. Too little, too late!

I didn't even balk at his suggestion that his present and his past should forge a friendship--why he thinks she and I could bear to share him, I'm not sure--knowing us as he does....but if that's what he wants, well my love is strong enough. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for V and if it takes me proving to him that I love him more than msyelf, well the time is now. In lieu of the selfish thing (the thing I am), I'm going to do right by him.

I will swallow every snide comment and spew only platitudes; doing everything in my power to make him smile a little brighter, feel a little lighter and make his world a wee bit better--even if it means that world with her.