Power Switch

Sex and the City provided us with the "Power Flip". The first episode, perhaps it was not the pilot but one of the early episodes in the first season, explained the notion that women in their 20s have the dating world on a string with their pick of men (older, younger, married, single, whatever they want) while men in their 20s are struggling to establish their careers and find themselves limited in the options available to them (women their age or younger who are comfortable with the seemingly little time and/or money they offer at that nascent stage in life). However somewhere in their mid to late 30s there is a power flip; men have women of all ages available to them while women having lost their youthful glow, if they remain unmarried, find it much harder to meet eligible men.

Now, the Power Switch as I've coined it isn't related to this but I highlight Power Flip to showcase just that point--these are two SEPARATE terms! As I see it, the power switch is that pivotal moment in any relationship when the person who was originally more enamored with the other party becomes less enamored while the original "cool kid" grows more attached. Let me provide an example: When Tommy met Kerry, he liked her enough to ask her out again but didn't think she was his "type". Tommy likes waify girls with the capacity for melancholy. Kerry was a happy athelete who after the first date was feeling a strong attraction and interest in Tom. However, after their second or third date the power switched. Tom found himself falling for Kerry's disarming honesty and domestic charm (the girl cleaned our stove when he cooked her his signature third date dinner), while Kerry in preparation for her looming move to the West Coast started to pull back a bit.

The Power Switch can feel debilitating when it happens because it alters the status quo and more often that not brings to the surface the more confident/less invested person's insecurites as they submit the emotional control to the party originally willing to lose control. Every relationship is not prone to a power switch, but more often than not after a first date one party likes the other more. In a majority of these cases, even in healthy long-lasting relationships, a power switch occurs down the line to either equalize or destroy the balance of power.

In Tommy's opinion it is best to fall hard and fast if the attraction is mutual because the Power Switch will find you on top--the one in control. I subscribe to the opposite school in suggesting that it is best to maximize your time on the front end of the switch and experience the power switch a few months into the relationship as a great equalizer. On some level I think those are gender-influenced responses. After all, a man needs to feel very attracted to a women to seek commitment and monogamy on the outset while a women needs to be wooed and feel desired. Also the switch for the woman alleviates any feeligs of guilt that may have built up from being in control early in the relationship as well as providing the man with a much needed masculine dominant role within the later part of the relationship.

The Power Switch is a universal phenomenon but there are plenty of people that have never experienced it.