Dissing D'Souza

Last night, D'Souza dissapointed me more than any man has ever disappointed me.

The primary reason for this is that I let him. I gave him that power over me. A regret that I will carry with me. A lesson I would have learned earlier in life had I been trusting enough to showcase my vulnerability to a man--the way women are willing and able, nay expected to.

The secondary reason is that he had promised to come out to the Hamptons this weekend and he did not come. A promise he made through NO prompting of mine roughly 3weeks ago with the added assurance that he would take off on Friday so we could drive up on Thursday and truly enjoy a relaxing yet party heavy weekend of debauchery and general beach fun.

As things develop this was a gradual letdown which in so many ways isn't any better than a sudden drop. Thursday night he sang me a song of the quarter ending which signals long nights of work for him. I hadn't actually expected him to take Friday off but he then assured me that he would find a way to spend 24 consecutive hours in the Hamptons with me this weekend. So when he called me at 9:34pm last night to tell me he wasn't coming out this weekend I was crushed.

I was crushed the way a little girl whose parents share joint custody is crushed when her father doesn't show up...it doesn't really matter that he's often not shown up...this time she had believed it would be different. This time she put on a new dress and braided her hair with pink ribbons and scrubbed her face extra hard and sat on her mother's stoop holding the bear her father had given her last Christmas waiting...hoping...believing....needing him to show up. So, when he didn't come she cried. She cried with a force of a punctured artery squirting jets of fresh fluid with pressure unrelenting. She cried till her whole face was red. She cried till her sobs were soundless. She cried for herself and all the little girls who sat on stoops waiting...waiting for dads that never came. Believing in things they were too young to stop believing in....crying with a bitterness they should have been too inexperienced to convey accurately.

So getting back to the point--D'Souza didn't show up. Not only did he not show up he dared to issue the following brilliant statements to a distraught ME:
"Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm tired and I need to get some sleep."
Again...this was at 9:34pm on Saturday night.
"We broke up. Would you be this upset if any other friend of yours cancelled on you at the last minute?"
Um. Yes. I would be. It's discourteous, selfish, inconsiderate, and unkind. I would not just be upset I would sling much more serious epithets in their direction and proceed to not speak to them for weeks on end.
"I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll come out next weekend. I've already taken Friday off."
His solution is to make me ANOTHER promise to come out when it is convenient for him (without consulting me if that would work for me! After all how much does that matter--it's ALL about HIM) despite having told me that THIS weekend was convenient for him. Plus I know for a fact that he'll have to drive his sister back up to Ithaca next weekend to renew her lease. Unlike him I listen. I pay attention. I remember dates and general timelines.
"I'm here on an H1B visa. I don't have the luxury of quitting my job and sitting on my ass like some people."
Well, you had the opportunity to file for a green card. So I'm sorry this excuse just doesn't hold water. Not to mention, do you really think couching an insult directed at me given the circumstances is a good idea?