This is my fault. I should never have pushed the Hamptons on you.
I foolishly spent all year waiting for this beautiful dream of spending weekends in Hampton Bays with you. Ever since we picked that house I've been waiting for the summer to start so we could really enjoy ourselves again.
When I realized I would only have one chance to make all my anticipation a reality I started daydreaming about spending a lazy afternoon on the beach drinking out of our cooler--jumping in the ocean then drying off long enough to build a sandcastle WITH YOU....taking a trip to the vineyard and sampling an assortment of Long Island wine WITH YOU....dancing under the stars at The Drift (a deck on the ocean) pulsing with mainstream music WITH YOU...swimming in the pool as the sun rises after stewing in the hottub with everyone who was in the house this weekend---young, relaxed, hopeful, fun--WITH YOU.
I just thought this would be my one chance to be on vacation WITH YOU. My one last good memory so I could always look back on our relationship as a happy time...a time that ended as wonderfully as it had begun.
I don't deserve that. Thank you for making sure I don't get that...thank you for not being sorry. Thank you for not making it up to me. Thank you for ensuring that I get just how much we are over because I'm don't deserve to have one lousy weekend with you at the beach...carefree, happy....feeling like that girl I used to be when we met. I'm not her. She's just a memory. She's the only memory I have any right to have. That's what I deserve...thank you for making sure I get what I deserve.
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4 comments:
wow. pretty rough. this wound is deeper than I thought. poor kid.
btw, i notice there's a "D" trend forming here (you had 'deleting d'souza' post a month ago)
here's some suggestions for future:
dumping d'souza
desecrating d'souza
disparaging d'souza
disarming d'souza
defecating d'souza
disintegrating d'souza
debilitating d'souza
discouraging d'souza
p.s. I have to point out that if you hadn't continued to sleep with the guy long after breaking up with him, the hurt from this incident might not be so multi- . . err, pronged
I've seen it before: the ole "one hand officially not recognizing who the other hand is doing" syndrome. Anytime you're gettin' it on, if you're a woman, that act builds up sentiments.
You just can't have sex with someone and ignore the feelings which come as part of that, naht unless you be all hard an' a hardcore playuh. Which you really aren't.
final comment!
If you re-read what you wrote, looking just at the 2nd paragraph--all the detail you went into--girl, he is ~clearly~ under your skin.
. . building a sandcastle, visiting a vineyard, swimming in a pool together "as the dawn rises"? dancing under the stars "pulsing with mainstream music"??
My gosh. Would any weekend live up to this plan? Who does those kind of things? Brangelina, maybe. Srsly, I never see that kind of stuff anywhere except on television.
That daydream (nursed along for months) represents a serious, killer crush on someone. You got it bad! Tell me I'm wrong.
Anyway, I'm really sorry you're getting burned by this whole thing. Ach! Where's Rumer Godden when you need 'er. . .
ermmm. Talk about leaving your public hanging. Been quite a while and no update!
Is there still fallout from this incident or is S&V just too busy to blog lately?
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