Letting Go

My mom had a hard time letting go when I graduated from high school and went off to college, but she came to terms with it. I am grateful for this. I am even more grateful that she did this in a way that did not impact me, negatively.

I've been struggling with the end of something meaningful in my life. It ended seven months ago (not that I'm counting!), but I haven't been able to let go. Holding on, unconsciously--maybe I mean subconsciously--unable to shed its importance in my life. Letting go to me, devalues what was--it doesn't have to--but it does. That's my personal struggle.

Ditha, who I complain to incessantly, purveyor of pearls finally had it with me. She said to me plain as Jane, "You need to let this go. For you. For once and for all." She's very positive and in my life that's very healthy. I'm skeptical of everyone and everything--motives, mentalities, agendas and conspiracy theories rule me--untrusting that I am. Ditha, not so much. This usually lends me not to heed her words. But this time around, I know she's right. I need to let go of this.

But how does one stop caring? How does one let go without forgetting? How does one forgive oneself for not letting go sooner? For not knowing better than to take hold?

How do I forgive without condoning actions that hurt me, badly--perhaps permanently? How do you move on when the other party will not engage with you in the process? I guess, therein lies the truth. This is about me and the more I make it not...the less likely I am of overcoming it.

I hope this truth has set me free. This truth I cannot handle. This truth that is raw and real and painful.