December 31, 2008

२००९ लाइफ Plans

January-Trip to Bombay...sublet apartment.
February-Grad School Interviews...Philly/DC Trips
March-Boston Trip
April-Acceptance! School selected.
May-Lauren's Wedding
June-Clui's Canadian Wedding
July-Norman's Wedding
August-Move! Start Graduate School
September-Gary's Wedding in St. Louis...Halle's Wedding in NH...Vegas turns 2!
October-Turning 29! Luckey is 4!
November-Home for Thanksgiving.
December-Finals. Apply for summer internships/jobs.

In 2009, I will

Believe in the goodness of others.
Give up ice-cream.
Attend graduate school.
Invite love into my life.
Visit my grandparents in India.
Listen to my Mother more.
Save up for a Euro-trip in '10.
Spend more time reading.
Develop a new hobby: Quilting!
Devote a day to service every month.
Taste Nigerian cuisine.
Try harder!

December 30, 2008

Cock Soup

December 28, 2008

च्रिस्त्मस Past

That title of this post reads, Christmas Past, btw. I recently added the Hindi translation feature so figured I'd give it a go.

Tracey was conspicuously absent from my annual holiday journey home. She's in Florida assisting the family of one of her students vacation. I've received many picture texts with text highlighting her fear and loathing of cartoons come to life.

It was a quiet Christmas. Luckey, Mom, her husband, and I went to see Marley & Me...we smuggled, Luckey into the theater--he's such a dream. Lots of gifts, nothing worth listing. Mom and I went shopping on the new Black Friday...bought more clothes.

Vegas spent his holiday with the D'Souzas. Unmarried, I might be, yet I share custody of my puppy. Only in America! At least there is no court battle--something to be thankful for this year. He's going to stay with him/them through my trip to India. When I get back neutering will ensue...it's long overdue.

December 23, 2008

Granting Requests

I'm a Grinch. At least this year, I am.

I was asked to take down a previous post.
A post that came from my heart--as a representation of my feelings about an event that took place in my life--but clearly another party was implicated because I am not an island. So my reaction to the event was viewed as exposing this other party's personal life which was deemed unacceptable.

Now, I have never granted such a request. I've previously been asked similar things by OTHER people, but in the name of all that is holy in the blogosphere, I have stuck to my guns.

Except in life, we make exceptions for the exceptional in said life. I am no exception, apparently.

Merry Christmas.
Happy Fucking New Year.

December 22, 2008

Committment: Fear of/for the Future

I'm not one to get bogged down in the details of the future.
Exhibit A: My life.

However the spree of engagements this year that are leading to weddings next year, might finally be getting to me. IN general, I'm a bit of a commitmentphobe--not in relationships per se--but in making decisions about my future.
Exhibit B: My career.
Hmm, what career?
Exactly!

So, the five ceremonies I've already committed to attending next year aside, I'm headed to India to visit my grandparents and extended family next month. India, the land where women over 25 are considered old maids. India, the country where the worth of a woman is measured by her reproductive abilities. India, where wives who outlive their husbands have been burned for their audacity of continued existence post His absence.
Exhibit C: Cultural competency in whose shadow I'm actually a non-conformist.
You wear twinsets and finally got the Jen An haircut...um, non-conformity?
Well, in the context of being Indian...being unwed and not wanting children is pretty OUT THERE. Kinda like Aliens.

The barrage of recent couples events and the spirit of family at the holidays is making me painfully aware that I am not on the path to creating my own nuclear unit. And while my womb isn't aching, my heart is certainly starting to feel the first gurgles of trepidation at another year alone.

Last year I was well on my way to becoming Mrs. D'Souza: a woman with a Goan Catholic man of finance who didn't have to make false promsies of becoming barefoot and pregnant but did brandish a rolling pin at her pie baking best. A woman with a new puppy and a home with a live Christmas tree. A woman who didn't sleep alone or wake up lonely. A woman whose life felt complete even if she was falling apart. A woman who believed she had just gotten everything she'd ever wanted in this life.

Sadly, I'm not that woman. Gladly, I've come to terms with it. But at least that sad woman had met her goals. I'm just setting new new ones as this woman. It's all a bit disorienting and heaped in disenchantment.

December 21, 2008

Happy Birthday, V!

I was asked to take down this post by V.
So I have.

I'm not happy about it but it was phrased as a request, if not fulfilled, would be measured as a sleight against him.

I'm not taking this down.
Hope you're happy.

Man-made Breakfast

Today, Taurean made me breakfast. It was the first time in my 28 years on this planet that a man cooked me breakfast.

Clearly, chefs and cooks at restaurants don't count for these purposes.

He added water to the organic eggs and cooked them in a high-priced skillet. He even applied organic jam to my seven-grain toast. The cheddar wasn't sharp and the spinach was perfectly cooked with garlic to boot. Truly, a delectable meal.

He even made me tea with honey to keep me awake after that enormous omelette and toast breakfast as I journeyed south of Harlem to work this afternoon.

Thanks, T. Travel safe!

Guac Off

Last night, I was in Park Slope at a couples party. There were three other single women at this party but no single men. A fact that made me feel like I didn't deserve any more Christmas wishes.

Can I just say 'tis NOT the season for me! I am not into meeting someone right now. A statement I haven't uttered since I hit puberty, but a true statement nevertheless.

Additionally, as the party crested Norman called the hostess to inform her of his engagement. Today I learned that the engagement involved three dozen rose petals spelling out "Will You Marry Me?" in a suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. Clearly, the lady in question said, "Yes!" But jokingly, Norman mentioned there was always the fear that she might just come back with, "What? I'm not worth orchids! What else you got?"

So, after last night's holiday spirit in Brooklyn, I'm heading to the UES this evening for a guac-off. That's right. We're having a contest to see who makes the best Guacamole--the attendees will serve as tasters to the test. If I could de-spice, I'd have a shot at the title...but I figure I might as well have one dish that meets my fire-eater levels to enjoy at the party.

Avocados peeled, tomatoes diced, onions chopped, cut up jalapenos, salt to taste and fresh limes squeezed....
GUAC-OFF

December 18, 2008

Keep on Tryin' (Poco)

I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout
All the times you told me
You’re so full of doubt
You just can’t let it be
But I know
If you keep comin’ back for more
Then I’ll keep on tryin’
Keep on tryin’

And I’ve been drinkin’ now
Just a little too much
And I don’t know how
I can get in touch with you
Now there’s only one thing
For me to do, that’s to
To get home to you

And I feel so satisfied when
I can see you smile
I want to confide in
All that is true, so I’ll
Keep on tryin’ I’m
Through with lyin’
Just like the sun above
I’ll come shinin' through
Oh yes I’ll
Keep on tryin’, I’m
Tired of cryin’
I got to find a way
To get on home to you

I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout
All the times you held me
I never heard you shout
The flow of energy was so fine
Now I think I’ll lay it on the line
And keep on tryin’
To get home to you

And I feel so satisfied when
I can see you smile
I want to confide in
All that is true, so I’ll
Keep on tryin’ I’m
Through with lyin’
Just like the sun above
I’ll come shinin' through
Yes I will
Oh yes I’ll
Keep on tryin’, I’m
Tired of cryin’
I got to find a way
To get on home to you.

Saw this on an old episode of Bones and it made me Limewire till I got it. The melody is just terrific....figures it's the Buffalo Springfield-feel of it.

December 17, 2008

Ghost of Love Past

....

Way past.

M.I.A

British-bred Maya Arulparasm, Sri-Lankan, singer/songwriter/graphic artist has a past checkered by political strife. Her father established the Eelam--the Tamil student group that raised hell in Sri-Lanka.

I learned about them from Love Marriage by Sugi V.G...Jo's friend who once came to tea.

M.I.A's song Paper Planes has taken the radio by storm. She has a lot of influences in her music but it's rooted in fusion. She lives in Bed-Stuy with her baby daddy Ben from The Exit. Go New York!

I'm a bit taken with the trajectory of her career and general motion of her life.

Unswerving Love

If you haven't already, get yourself to the theater to watch Slumdog Millionaire.
If you haven't yet, fall in love...unswerving love.

Because healing from heartbreak means you're ready to get your heartbroken all over again. Do it.

December 10, 2008

Exit Strategy

Today, I was talking to Tracey--as I oft do, but have not as much off late, given her myriad of jobs and my lackluster attitude towards my phone--and we had an interesting discussion about exit strategies.

Her argument was that in relationships we should never lose sight of the exit stategy. People change. Things change. Best to be prepared.

My argument was that if you always have an out how sincere are you about a future with your partner. Clearly, not all relationships are meant to last, but I'm speaking more of the ones that have the potential to be significant. How can you be in it 100% if you always have one foot out the door?

Moments

I was on the crosstown bus on 96th street after REACH (a mentoring program through the Goddard Riverside Community)this evening when I heard this heartwarming seasonal exchange:

Older black woman to much older white man: Sir, please have my seat!
Younger white man silently vacates his window seat.
Old white guy: Thank you, that's very kind.
Two blocks later, as the old white dude gets off, the black lady says: God bless you. Get home safe.
White fella responds: God bless you, too. Take care.

Who says New Yorkers aren't God-fearing friendly folk?

Another incident earlier today in Chelsea.
Man walking dog. I stop man to pet dog, after asking permission, of course.
Me...to the dog: Who's a good pup pup? Who loves to go outside? Who's a love bug?
Man...to me: A dog person, are you?
Me...(sheepish): Sorry.
Man: Never be sorry. Dog people are good people. Don't be weary of talking to dogs. Let those non-dog people think you're crazy. What do they know about a dog's love?

TV quotes of the day:
"OMG, I'm 30. Do you know what that is in gay years?"--Jack, Will & Grace
"You are the world's worst dog."--Owen Wilson, Marley & Me preview
"You should have punched him."--Miranda, Sex & The City